Forgiveness: Healing

    I once saw a cartoon and it said: “We have seen the enemy and it is us.” It was funny in a truthful manner: if we make a mistake we stubbornly blame ourselves, for example. If another person has hurt or harmed us, we demand an apology before we forgive. Today I will try to show how we create stress by not forgiving. More importantly, I will attempt to explain a simple exercise we can all use to heal stubborn, self-destructive attitudes. Forgiving is accomplished by releasing criticism and switching vengeful thoughts and feelings to forgiving ones. I have actually used this to rid myself of negativity involving a particular individual recently.

    However, before we get into exactly how to forgive, we need to examine the issue of the lack of forgiveness a little further. Unforgiving attitudes lead to physical reactions. Specifically, the streee caused by anger puts us into what is known as the “fight/ flight” syndrome. This is a state of being where our defensive mechanisms are on full tilt. Adrenaline is pumped into our bloodstream, our eyes widen, breathing becomes shorter, and the heart rate goes up. What often happens is that our ratinale side gets hijecked. The thing is we rarely need to run or fight so the hormones create a chronic tension and fatigue in our bodies.

    Psychologically, we are also harming ourselves. If we are blaming others, we may feel angry and build a case against them. This may lead to arguments or silent hostility – both serious obstacles to communication and harmony. Other options are to deny and repress our righteous anger, which results in either depression or physical problems like high blood pressure.

    From a spiritual perspective, lack of forgiveness is a problem too. For my purposes today, I will define spirituality as being in touch with inner feelings of love, peace, and well-being. Chronic anger, depression, or anxiety blocks out these positive feelings to the point that we may despair at ever feeling good again. What is the way out of this vicious cycle? The answer is simple – forgive! Forgive yourself, forgive your friends, perhaps even forgive your enemies!

STOP!

    Stop right now and examine your emotional reaction to the idea of forgiveness. Don’t analyze it, I don't want to know what you're thinking (it only makes my dick hard! LOL!) -- just try to feel your reaction to the above. Did it get your back up? Did your belly flip? Did you think, “Why should I forgive?” Did you think that you don’t have this problem? Or, on the flip side, were you almost too eager to forgive others but have reservations about forgiving yourself.

    Let’s examine these reactions. If you got angry and wanted the other person to apologize first, you are in a state of conscious, righteous anger. You are hurt or angry and putting the blame on the other person. You are certainly harming yourself more than you are harming the other person. You are feeling “right,” superior, and entitled to your grievance. This unforgiving attitude worsens the situation in all its aspects and has negative physical and psychological consequences.

    Do you think that you don’t have a problem with forgiveness? If so, examine your thoughts and bodily sensations more closely. If you have areas in which you think you made a lot of mistakes, you may be suffering from self-hate or lack of forgiveness. Have you been avoiding someone else? You may be judging them negatively but denying it. Are you depressed? Then you are almost certainly denying anger and guilt. You may be judging yourself and others and not letting go of the emotions involved.

    Are you willing to forgive others but having a hard time forgiving yourself? You are probably denying your anger at others and blaming it all on yourself. Perhaps at this point of your life you can see the patterns and desire a change, but how can this be accomplished? It’s actually easier than most people think.

How to Forgive Yourself and Your Enemies

    The first part of the forgiveness process involves awareness. You first have to be aware of what emotion you are experiencing before you can release it. This is not as easy as one woulf think. Actually, it is easy, but what happens is that too often we don't know the difference between feelings and thoughts. This is why I've chosen a body-centered exercsie.

    So get quiet – sit comfortably and follow your breathing for a few moments. Just breathe normally. Get in touch with your body – your bodily sensations, for you actually feel your emotions through your body (not in your head!).

    After a little time, ask yourself what emotion you are feeling. The basic emotions are fear, anger, and guilt. Then, tell yourself it is OK to feel any of these emotions. After a few minutes, ask yourself if you are willing and able to release this emotion. If the answer is yes, affirm, “I release this emotion now!” Then watch it release. This may take a few moments.

    It’s very important to understand the difference between expressing, repressing, and releasing emotions. Expressing involves acting out emotions – as in acting angry. This often feels good momentarily but it offends others and doesn’t resolve the feeling.

    Repressing involves holding down the emotion – stopping yourself from experiencing the full range of the emotion. This leads to depression and bodily pain and does not lead to resolution.

    Releasing is the middle ground. By recognizing, accepting, and affirming release, you are consciously moving toward forgiving yourself. You are allowing yourself to have normal human emotions, release them, and move on. You can then affirm forgiveness of yourself for having these emotions, making any mistake, or hurting yourself or anyone else.

    Some people prefer to start by forgiving themselves. Others prefer to begin by forgiving others. It doesn’t matter, just begin and keep accepting, releasing, and forgiving until you feel more peaceful. This inner peace will eventually lead to more feelings of health, vitality, and comfort. Your relationships will improve. Even finances will improve as you learn to let go, release, and forgive everyone.

    If this sounds too easy or farfetched, try the process daily for three weeks. See if it works for you.