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November 2007 
Quiz: Are You a Racist?
Posted on Sep 8th, 2006
by 
Neuromancer
Neuromancer
Hola Everybody!
People who refuse to abide by this rule will be intellectually spanked and not in a nice way...
OK! It’s Friday... Thanks to everyone, as always, for the thoughtful responses
to yesterday's post. I don't ask that anyone agree with my opinions. I
do demand, however, that people make an effort to read before
commenting!
LMAO!- Now… for a word from our [un]Common Sense Blog sponsor…
[a hushed voice intones over dissonant strings in the background as a camera pans over important looking documents…]
On June 16, 2004, The 9/11 Commission reported that it found "no collaborative relationship" between Iraq and Al Qaeda. - Even so, as of September 2004, 42% of Americans still believed that Saddam Hussein's regime in Iraq was directly involved in planning, financing, or carrying out the terrorist attacks of 9/11.
[music changes to rowdy Heavy Metal… as a mob of people body slam each other in their rush to buy Christmas gifts in September… ]
***As we all know, bloggers just love to post quizzes, surveys, challenges, etc., etc., etc. Whether we do this because they are actually fun or because we get brain freezes that obstruct our writing abilities [cough], hasn’t been decided.
But just to show that I can be part of the herd once in a while (even if only to sexually prey on the female portion of the comatose 42% noted above), I’m going to add my own little quiz! In reality I adapted (read: stole) it (scanned) from a completely off-the-chain, totally incorrect, "in-yo-face-muthafucka" book titled, “ego trip’s Big Book of Racism!” These folks are too fuckin’ much! Highly recommended! - Answers? MONDAY dammit!
“…It’s been test proven that tests don’t always play fair. Bigotry is a popular pastime. And it still is. Now for the first time ever comes an opportunity to level the cultural playing field once and for all, and ponder the intriguing question: What do you get when you put Joe Clark, Mr. Hand (R.I.P.), and Jaime Escalante in a room together? (Answer: Three esés the hard way – even harder than Chinese ‘rithmetic.)”
1. Are you a racist? - A. Yes
- B. Probably
- C. Definitely
- D. All of the above
- 2. You ain’t Black. When you see a Black person, you:
- A. Feel guilty
- B. Smile… nervously
- C. Say, “Slap me some skin on the Black hand side, baby-baby.”
- D. Run
- 3. You a Honky. When you see a person of another ethnicity, you:
- A. Get crazy horny (You one horny Honky.)
- B. Expect to lose your job… soon
- C. Inform him, in an extremely polite tone, that deliveries are at the back entrance only, José.
- D. Run.
- 4. Finish this sentence: The Blacker the berry…
- A. … the sweeter the Jews.”
- B. … the more rotten that shit is. Throw it away.”
- C. … the darker the daddy.”
- D. … the better the chance it’s Wesley Snipes at an after hours wine-tasting with his ganjah-smoking mellow, Woody Harrelson. (light anotha).”
- 5. You can always tell a Latino/a family by:
- A. Counting the chickens
- B. The decibel levels
- C. Trying this simple trick: Yell, “Migra!” and if they run, they Hispanic.
- D. The red furniture
- 6. The development of science has allowed a great many advantages in our dail y lives. These improvements are moving at an accelerated rate. However, as far as you know, Orientals talk “funny” because:
- A. Godzilla got them hella shook.
- B. Their tongues are slanted too. (Ay ya! That’s racist.)
- C. Too much MSG. (Mangled Speech Gene.)
- D. They hate your ignorant ass and are doing it to fuck with you (better known as “ancient Chinese secret”).
- 7. The phrase “Peace in the Middle East” is poignant because:
- A. They sure do kill a lot of muthafuckas out there.
- B. It rhymes
- C. “Blessed in the Midwest” don’t sound right.
- D. It will never happen.
- 8. A Caucasian male leaves for work at 7:00 on Monday morning. He lives on the west side of town, about ten miles away from his destination. He arrives at his office at 8:00 AM. On the other side of town, a person of color also leaves home at 7:00 am. He or she arrives:
- A. Late
- B. After a quick stop at the boodah spot, right on THC-CP Time.
- C. Wednesday
- D. At the unemployment line.
- 9. A cracker is:
- A. A delicious, flaky, sometimes buttery, waferesque morsel.
- B. One of them Rice Crispies niggaz.
- C. Not to be confused with the monster from Clash of the titans. D. You, you dumb-ass cracker!
- 10. “BMW” stands for:
- A. Black Man’s Wish.
- B. Better Move, Whitey.
- C. Bitch Made Whiteboy
- D. Bought My Wife, too.
- 11. Who would you vote off the island first?
- A. Clint Black. (He’s White)
- B. Barry White (He’s Black)
- C. Rita Moreno (she’s Boricua)
- D. Tattoo
- 12. Saddam Huseein looks like:
- A. He’s so dam insane. (Get it? Good)
- B. The President of the swarthy Gentlemen’s Club… for Men
- C. He’s quick to get in that ass
- D. A really hammered Mexican with a muy gignate tortilla chip on his shoulder.
- 13. Before Septmeber 11, 2001, you thought Osama bin Laden was:
- A. Sir Alec Guiness’ character in Star Wars. B. The $6.95 lunch special at your local Curry Hut.
- C. The scientific term in Arabic for lopsided desert-donkey testicles.
- D. Just another towelhead.
- 14. Who picks up white trash?
- A. Welfare
- B. Riki Lake’s limosine service.
- C. Vicodin
- D. Black thugz
- E. Lizzie Grubman.
- 15. At which of the following places are Hispano holy rollers most likely to sight visions of Jesus and Mary?
- A. A Jesus and Mary Chain album cover.
- B. The local bodega, because Jesus (pronounced hay-zoos) and Maria run it.
- C. The cotton candy at Shea Stadium.
- D. At the border.
- 16. From where does the Chinese Dragon Lady learn her powers of seduction?
- A. Vietnamese Hooker Academy.
- B. Japanese Geisha Finishing School.
- C. www.manilamail-orderbrides.com
- D. Some Korean slut.
- 17. Since they were actually separated at birth, the only real difference between African-Americans and Italian-Americans is:
- A. The suits. The Crips were FUBU. The wops were Armani. (But the burgers are Ronald’s.)
- B. The sauce. BBQ drives Blacks bananas. Marinara makes the paisans go Buttafucco for Coco Puffs.
- C. The sex. The monkeys can swing all-nighters. The goom-bahs go for the gold medallion.
- D. The slammer. C’mon, y’all saw The Green Mile and Goodfellas.
- 18. Dr. Angelo Saxon, PhD, a wealthy Caucasian male (of course), walks into his well-mannered boudoir one fine Wednesday evening. To his dismay, he encounters his blondish nymphet wife, Mandy, in their king-sized Ethan Allen waterbed with…
- A. Ferdinand, their uninhbited, untamable, and undocumented landscape artiste, who’s feeding her chalupas and beating her Chihuahua senseless. ¡Amore es Perros!
- B. Carmine, their in-house Haitian culinary sensation, taste-testing her French dip with his rotund rolling pin in hand. Oui, he’ll rock you, Amadaeus!
- C. Lateisha, the saucy and sassy Filipina nanny, ankles-to-panties, spanking that fanny. Word to Manny (the chauffeur).
- D. Manny, who’s been hitting off Lateisha – and Angelo – on the low. (He’s bisexual, you know.)
- 19. On some Jimmy Stewart shit, a despondent Dr. Saxon races his silver Jaguar XJE to Old Miller’s Bridge, the local suicide jump-off. Before taking the Nestea plunge, and leaving no doubt in anyone’s mind that he’s softer than wet Charmin, he yells…
- A. “Wetbacks!”
- B. “Blackmale!”
- C. “Nia Peeples!”
- D. “Whitewater!”
- 20. Are tan lines racist?
- A. Yes, because they perpetuate Carnal Sander’s friend chicken theory: The white meat’s the best (and it’s finger-lickin’ good).
- B. No, just rednecks.
- C. Maybe. George Hamilton ain’t worked steadily in years.
- D. ¡Suntanama!
- 21. Why do African-Americans love to dance?
- A. Cuz they freaks
- B. They’re slaves to the rhythym. (Ta-dow! That’s really racist.)
- C. They want to practice what they will eventually do on your grave, honky.
- D. The devil made them do it.
- 22. It’s the annual Puerto Rican Day parade. Boricuas from all across this great nation will descend upon the Manzana grande to commemorate:
- A. ass.
- B. Ass.
- C. ASS!
- D. AZZ! Boo-yow!
- 23. Which of the following is not controlled by the Jews?
- A. Hebrew National.
- B. Beanie Sigel.
- C. Judo. (Not to be confused with “jew-dough.” They got that on lock.)
- D. Palestine.
- 24. Can’t we all just get along?
- A. No.
- B. Absolutely not
- C. I don’t think so.
- D. No espeka Englis.
- 25. Ignorance is:
- A. Bliss.
- B. A Cancer.
- C. Everywhere.
Access: Public
